puh-lease!

Okay ya'll this is a big one for me ...

I cannot believe the audacity of some people. I'm not supposed to, right? Neither are you, right? We're supposed to forgive and forget, right? UUUUUHHHHH! I wish it were that easy. Do the words, "I'm sorry" release you from thinking about a situation? NO! "Turn the other cheek" is what the Bible says. AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH! I know! I know! I wish I could stop thinking about things. Is this satan torturing me? Probably. Do I need to pray more about it? I guess so! But it brings it all back up again in my head! I have never really considered wearing one of those "WWJD" bracelets, but I thought about finding one and wearing it so I could look at it and pray whenever a thought of her comes into my mind.

When someone hurts us whether on purpose or by accident, we are supposed to forgive them. But what if they purposefully by accident hurt us? I know! I know! Forgive and forget, forgive and forget. I keep repeating it to myself. This is why I have not posted in a few days. I'm dealing with something ya'll, I'm dealing with something! Over and over in my head it is played out. My reaction, my words, my anger and my behavior. Will I be forgiven? I really don't care! She deserved it! OUCH! That wasn't very Christian of me. I feel separated from God with this. That's not very nice, either by the way.

Do I need to be on my face? I mean, laying on my cold, Mexican tiled floor? Nose to the ground? Can I lay on my face in my bed? Don't you hate it when you pray and pray and pray and pray about something and you feel like you're getting nowhere????? Oh my bad, is this just me?

I want to move on! I really, really do. I know why she did it, I know why! Jealousy is a nasty, nasty thing. I feel sorry for her, now. Is pity bad? I reacted horribly to a horrible situation and made an ass of myself. But I forgave myself. Is this just "convenient" forgiving? Why can't I let this go? Should I fast?

If anyone out there reads any of my blogs especially this one, please help me, and please pray for me.

Thanks