Sharing Burdens Is Hard To Do Sometimes

Just finished reading my first John Piper book cover to cover. I do need a drum roll and a good bang on the cymbal for that! It is so hard for me to finish anything right now. But this book, though confusing at times and also a little deep for me did speak to me. Don't get me wrong, I am not confused. I am encouraged. The Lord is showing me more and more everyday the importance of prayer. And not just prayer but deep prayer.

I read this blog today and was sooooooo encouraged by it. It has been a pray, worship, blog, remember, blog, pray, journal and pray some more kind of day.

I used to run from this, now I seek it out and LOVE it! The visions He gives me are like movies in my head. I used to think I was just too "drama" and ignored it. That I was making it up. Ignored it, ultimately RAN from it. But after the change in me, it seems the more I seek Him, the more He seeks me. And boy hidey the visions, they come! I can hardly write them down fast enough!

It is difficult to share them sometimes. I just recently shared something that has been on my heart and something the Lord showed me TIME and TIME and TIME again. (Okay God, I submit) It was to be shared with someone I am very intimidated by. We are very different personalities. Kind of a leader in the church and who am I? Just a nut-job that needs help and prayer oh so often! Well, that's what the enemy says. Turning from it and to Him is now my motto... So, I step out in faith, prayed and prayed and PRAYED about doing this. Thought I was ready for it. Will it be received? Will I be squashed? Am I making this up? "Just Do It" "Just DO IT" I tell myself... So finally! Got to tell him. It was good, I was passionate. Think I scared him a little. LOL! Did he receive it? Not so sure. But at least the burden on my heart is not so intense, which was weighing me down.

Then, the fear showed its head and I fell for the lie that I am a nobody and why would he listen to me? It hit me hard, I saw the old me come back for a couple of days. It... was... scary. I didn't even want to go to church on Sunday. The thought kept creeeeeeeeeeping in my mind early Sunday morning. I was up at 7:30, wrestling in my mind and regretting saying ANYTHING and trying to convince myself that I was wrong. But the Holy Spirit... Love HIM... kept telling me, you are planting a seed Jennifer, not a bush.

I am weak but He is STRONG. Yes, Jesus Loves Me.

One thing for sure I have learned on this new journey in learning to pray for others the way the Lord showed me to is that if I don't share it, it burdens me. I have heard people say those things, but didn't understand what they meant by it. But let me tell ya! It is TRUE! When I heard people sometimes say "He woke me up last night with this prayer for you or burden" or whatever, I would laugh at them in my head.

Note to self, God loves irony.