Okay, so, we get to church and worship had already begun. No big deal. It is somewhat normal for us. We had two additional kiddos with us as well to get ready, feed, coat, count, buckle, give instruction, lead and seat. Again I say, NO Big DEAL! The more the merrier...right??? RIGHT!
At our church, it is pretty much a band on stage for worship. It's great! Actually today, it WAS an actual band. Robert Gotcher http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=35077221&MyToken=6f2989ea-c00d-4388-89d0-6859f85e4fda CRUD! Why CAN'T I DO THAT????
The Gotcher's go to our church and we really, really enjoy them... anywhooo....
So, we go in, sit in our usual spot, yes, it's a'rockin' .... kids are groovin' hubby's jammin' my hands are straight up, YESSSSS! I love goooooood worship!
(Stay with me, paintin' a picture for you here)
You know, that time when everything's gonna slow down... the fast song is over. It's quiet. Just a few strums of the guitar goin'... yes, it's time to focus people. Let's just break it down now. The slow, pretty, meaningful, tear jerkin', stir-your-spirit worship song is gonna start.
Then I hear it. The noise that ALL mother's recognize. There is something distinct about it, isn't there? Yes, there is. . . It is the sneeze of all sneezes. One of YOUR kids has sneezed out a snot explosion. How can so much come out of their teeeny, tiiiiiiiny nares?
The he turns around and looks at me... smiling.... snot dripping to his chin and below.... panic.... Kleenex... where are they??? .... napkins.... ??? none! I quickly glance over to the friend to my left that is also a mommy. She and her husband are eye closed, controlled giggle/laughing.... just as I would be if it were their kid and the snot was hangin'! Because it is funny to see a mom panic and the boy sit there with snot hangin' and enjoying watching his mom panic... Funny.... I canNOT even look up to see how many others are viewing this. Devastation.... embarrassment... then.... the .... laughter.... oh, I can't stop....
Did I mention that our usual spot is on the right wing, FRONT row? Yes, yes, it is...
Someone, don't know who, put Kleenex in my hand. I grabbed his head and face and wiped, and wiped, and wiped... I am shaking with almost uncontrollable laughter. I am a, how can we be nice.... I am a Large woman... nothing cute about a large woman laughing and shaking her large body uncontrollably.... NOT cute, y'all!
The giggles in church are fun. But on the front row... and snot giggles at that... I just kept thinking someone was going to lose their breakfast and then I'd really be in trouble.
After wiping his face until the top layers of his epidermis was gone and he was saying, "ow! mommy, stop!" I was still bent over and laughing tight-lipped.... I had to sit down. But I knew it would be uglier. Then the tummy is shaking... not pretty.... the more I tried to stop, the more I couldn't.... I just closed my eyes and put my chin as far down as I could. And tried to take deep breaths. Then I would be successful and stop with the giggle/large-lady-shakes... don't look at Ira... I peeked at Ira... his eyes are closed and he is doing the tight lipped, shaking his head in slow disbelief thing... then the gigglin'... It would start again.
Oh, and our girls all yelled, "EWWWWWWWWW" forgot to mention that. And now that I am trying not to giggle and have my eyes closed and chin down against myself... the questions... "what's wrong mommy?" "why are you crying, mommy" "are you laughing, mommy?"
SWEET MERCY, HELP ME! Oh! Whoa is me! Oh please! Someone release the kids to Sunday School, would ya???! Finally!!!
We hot footed it downstairs and I could finally laugh out loud as I was going down the stairs.
And again in the bathroom while washing my hands.
I guess you had to be there... but I'm sure you're glad you weren't.
ADDENDUM:
If you do happen to go to Robert Gotcher's space... the songs on his page are not the worship songs we sing at church. These are their own songs. They are a real band. But doesn't he have a great voice??? The woman you hear harmonizing in the background is his wife and she is pregnant with their second child, it's a boy! Yea Anna!
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3 comments:
That is so gross/funny!
You painted a great picture!. My belly was shakin' by the end of the story!
It's always in church! And if it's not a sneeze it's a "fluff"-as Molly says. LOL!
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